This is a fourth installment in the ongoing series of blogs on the lessons I learnt from the women who played vital roles in raising me and teaching me the essential principles of life. Some of the lessons highlighted were taught to me directly and some indirectly. In other words, learning takes place whether we are being intentional about it or not. The fourth lady in my hall of fame is Agness Kaseka. I moved into her house in my early teens and was there until I moved out to start a house of my own. So as you would expect I am highly indebted to her in ways I will never repay. So here are the lessons I picked up from her.
Gentle and firm
Mrs. K, as we fondly called her is one of those rare breeds of people who are gentle as a dove and firm as a lion. She always wears a smile on her face and having a conversation with her can often be sweet and uplifting. She has the cunning ability to diffuse a tense and hostile situation with her grace and gentleness. Many people have often taken her gentleness for weakness and so did I, especially since she was the exact opposite of my late uncle, Mr. Kaseka (Mr. K) who was a straight shooter!
I remember one time after the passing of my uncle, Mrs. K decided to call for a family meeting. We were about 13 in the house (the Kaseka’s always took in people), and yet we were not all helping out with the chores, particularly the guys most of whom were grown men. The meeting was Mrs. K at her best; she made it clear in no uncertain terms that things had to change. Whoever was not ready to chip in, the door was open, and yet she at the same time allowed for dialogue. I remember her apologizing for something offensive she had said. Let’s just say the meeting ended peacefully, and the guys started working!
Quietly strong and determined
When Mr. Kaseka passed, it was a heavy blow to the entire family. The man was the bread winner par excellence! And many people were certain Mrs. K would not pull through. The children where young (7, 5 and 3 respectively), and on top of that, there were other dependents to take care of. All kinds of advice was shared from all corners, yet she stood her ground and soldiered on. Even I in my youthful zeal doubted she would survive. 19 years later, Mrs. K is still standing and in the same house. The children are all grown. Chabala the first born is a qualified nurse and working for the government; Maria and Mark are both mid-way through college.
It is the way she has gone about her life that has been the most instructive. She has quietness of spirit and a settled determination. She does not make noise and cause confusion. She simply focuses on her life and quietly got things done and does not complain or meddle in other people’s business.
Honest and reliable
Among the most reliable people in our family, Mrs. Kaseka is among them. You are guaranteed she will do what she says she will do. If she tells you to pick her up at 6, you will find her ready at 6. You are also guaranteed that she will be honest and not lie to you. She always kept exhorting us to tell the truth and avoid being caught up in a web of lies.
Kind and respectful
Be it in the family, the community or at church, Mrs. K’s kindness is evident to all. She goes out of her way to help people and is often the go to person when in need. She has such a sweet spirit, it is hard to hate her. She has a genuine desire to see others excel and help them along the way. The people who rent apartments from her become like family. I remember some years back she extended hospitality to the guys who came to take the readings from the water meter. To my shame, I stood there thinking to myself what a waste of food! But that is Mrs K through and through, kind and respectful to people who come in her life regardless of state or position.
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